Daily Jokes!

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Daily Jokes!

Post by FinalPrayer on Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:25 pm

Whilte sitting in a bar, George, a Newfie, and Danny, an Albertan, get into an argument about who has the higher intelligence level. The boys argue back and forth, and Danny bets George that for every question he can't answer he will give Danny five dollars. Danny sweetens the deal by telling George that any questions Danny himself can't answer will earn George $50. George quickly accepts the bet.

Danny asks the first question: "Which star is the closests to Earth?"

George slowly shakes his head and passes over five dollars. He has no idea which star is closests to Earth. George takes his turn: "What walks up a hill on three legs and walks down the same hill on four?"

Danny thinks for a long time. He makes several calls and can't figure out the answer. He pulls out his laptop and looks on the internet - Nothing. After two hours of searching, he has to admit defeat. He passes over $50, and he isn't happy about it.

Still, Danny is so amazed he has been outsmarted by a Newfie that he has to find out the answer to the question.

He asks George, "Well, what's the answer? What walks up hill on three legs and down the same hill on four?"

George doesn't say a word and hands over five dollars.
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Re: Daily Jokes!

Post by FinalPrayer on Wed Dec 28, 2011 3:28 pm

Two since I missed yesterday.

A BC (British Columbia) woman walks into a Newfoundland flight school. She insists they teach her how to fly that day. Unfortunately, all the planes are in use, so the owner agrees to instruct the woman on how to fly a single-man helicopter. As he is going to be the instructing her by radio, the owner make sure the woman understands that she needs to stay in constant contact. The Newfie takes his student out to the helicopter, shows her the basics, explains how to start the thing and then sends her off into the wild blue yonder.

After the woman climbs to about 1000 feet, she radioes in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm really starting to get the hang of this."

At 2000 feet, she radioes in again, saying how easy it is to fly. The owner watches on the radar as she climbs to 3000 feet. He starts to worry about her because she hasn't radioed in for a while. A few minutes later, the instructor watches in horror as she crashes about half a kilometre away.

He runs out and pulls her from the wreckage. When he asks what happened, she says, "I'm don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

A father and son are out fishing in the middle of the cove. While they are rowing the small dory, the boy starts asking his father questions.

He asks, "Fadder, what makes dis here boat float?"
His father replies, "I don't rightly know dat, me son."

A little while later, the boy thinks up another question. He asks, "Fadder, what makes the sky blue?"
His Father replies, "I don't rightly know dat, me son."

The son looks at his father again and asks, "Dad, do you care if I asks you all these questions?"
His father replies, "My god, no, son. If you stops asking questions, hows will you ever learn anything?"
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Re: Daily Jokes!

Post by Nepythias on Fri Dec 30, 2011 11:39 am

I think the funniest part of that last joke was the godawful vernacular...
What kind of hick says "rightly" and "me son?" "Rightly" is just way too proper.

The 26th's made me giggle, though :3
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Re: Daily Jokes!

Post by FinalPrayer on Fri Dec 30, 2011 5:06 pm

Nepythias wrote:I think the funniest part of that last joke was the godawful vernacular...
What kind of hick says "rightly" and "me son?" "Rightly" is just way too proper.

The 26th's made me giggle, though :3
A Canadian Hick. Very Happy
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Re: Daily Jokes!

Post by Nepythias on Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:49 pm

O.e.... I wouldn't be able to survive in Canada, then, if they talk like that.
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Re: Daily Jokes!

Post by ftwinz on Sun Jan 01, 2012 2:29 pm

We can survive, Sistow Very Happy ON CANADIAN BACON

*cooks Final* Err, I mean D:

*cooks... some bacon*

Daily jokes seem like a lot, Final. Maybe cut it to weekends or weekly? Don't want you burning out D:
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Re: Daily Jokes!

Post by FinalPrayer on Sun Jan 01, 2012 3:26 pm

ftwinz wrote:We can survive, Sistow Very Happy ON CANADIAN BACON

*cooks Final* Err, I mean D:

*cooks... some bacon*

Daily jokes seem like a lot, Final. Maybe cut it to weekends or weekly? Don't want you burning out D:
The dates already show I did xD... I've been a tad busy and forgot so I just toss 3 or 4 at a time (Depending on how many days I missed.) I have a whole book of them though, so it's not like I have to look around the net.

Speaking of which....

Did you hear about the woman who thought her husband was cheating on her? None of her childen looked like him.

Did you hear about the Newfies who froze to death at the drive-in movie theatre? They went to see "Closed for the Season".

A Newfie walks in a bank in downtown Toronto to meet with a loans officer. The Newfie explains that he's going on a trip and wants to borrow $5,000. The loans officer has the Newfie fill out a bunch of papers then says the bank requires a security deposit for this type of loan.

The Newfie reaches into his pocket, pulls out the keys to his brand new car and tosses them across the desk. The loans officer checks out the car and the title, and finds everything to be in order. He explains that the bank will hold the car until the Newfie pays back the loan with 12 percent interest. The Newfie readily agrees to the condition and leaves the bank to start his vacation.

The bank officials have a good laugh at the Newfie for putting down a brand new car as collateral for a 5000$ loan. They think it was good fun that he even agreed to leave it at the bank. They all stop laughing when the loans officer discovers that the Newfie is a millionaire. Once they see how much money he has, they can't seem to understand why he needs the loan.

Two weeks later, the Newfie returns and pays back the loan and the interest of $23.07. Puzzled, the loans officer wants to know about the Newfie and the transaction. The loans officer politely asks, "Sir, after you left your car here, we were able to find out more about your financial situation. You didn't need the loan. Why did you ask for it?" The Newfie replies, "Us Newfies aren't as stunned as you think. Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks, pay only $23.07 and know that the car will still be there when I get back?"
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